you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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