I wish I could punch you in the face.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
