Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
