you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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