i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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