Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
