I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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