My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
