If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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