i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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