I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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