Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
