i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
