How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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