I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize