just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
