Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Are my feet made of real feet?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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