i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Let's get the cat blown out
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
