I must be too annoying 4 u.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
