I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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