the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
