You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
