I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
