You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
