If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
3pm strippers are depressing
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
