This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
