I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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