Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
