Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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