I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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