I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
