Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
