One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
