is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize