My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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