I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
