Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
