Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Randomize
