Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
