Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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