I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
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