The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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