Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
porn star boner night. come get it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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