Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
