just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
