went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
tell me about the fingering
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