So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i think i just lost a toe
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
