Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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