i was born a porn star she said
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
