from now on my penis is your penis
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize