Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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