singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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