I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
