I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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