Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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