I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
