I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
