Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
