god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
