i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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