Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
