He kissed a someone with a penis
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I can't trust your balls anymore.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
