five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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