Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
