i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize