K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
