where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
