Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
