Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
