did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
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